Please

That only place that I long to take a look at. Following me everywhere, it wouldn’t leave my head to rest. With every breath I take it leaves a bitter taste in my lungs. I’d like to stay there forever.

Right.

I’m feeling it.

…

…

Prayers fall down easily on me

The ones that promise something else

People .

They just seek forgiveness

Unresolved. For goodnight sleep

Never good enough for me

I tend to smile at every thought

Laughing

Putting me to sleep

I promise, I would pray for them and more

Asleep

I shower in my words

From the Harness of our Ghost

The Tallest Man on Earth – Love is All

I walk upon this river like it’s easier than land

Evil’s in my pocket and your will is in my hand

Throw you in the current that I stand upon so still

Love is all from what I’ve heard

But my heart’s learned to kill

Friend

If I question my existence, would my feelings lose their weight?

If I answer all my doubts, is the reason meant to stay?

When my hands are shaking and my words just stumble, I have nothing to support me; I have no one who would tremble.

Over my fading body.

Colourless.

Who would hold onto their shadow? Who would vanish from this earth just to know they’re meant to swallow all that misery and hurt?

No one.

I will hold onto my thoughts and assume that I’m not lost, or at least that I can find what I’m meant to leave behind. And regarding all objections I will seek my own directions.

I would answer all your questions.

I would give you my suggestions when you’re feeling colour-blind or you’re struggling to choose which regret you’re meant to lose.

Don’t vanish, I would miss you.

My friend.

I’m Waiting

He loves his dreams

He dreams of her

She’s always lost

And in his sleep

He calls her name

She never heard

He felt, it seems,

Like all this time

He knew the cost

But all she did

Was run away

And just be lost

He lived to dream

He had to know her face

She left a trace

Behind

For him to find

He didn’t sleep

He laid awake that night

‘The dream would come,

Just wait for me’ he said

Until the day he finds himself alive

The dream would stay

And never let him die.

Pretend to Want

Frozen eyes, melted lips

Act a smile; little sips

Pray for life, long be dead

Fly and die, breathe instead

I could never understand this life of finding truth, the moments of despair and the thrill of sudden bliss.

I never wanted anyone or anything to share. Again I hide behind the things I wouldn’t miss.

Touching hands; walk away

Then a glance. Both would stay

Tired thoughts, rest beyond

Life in shots

Don’t belong

A Dream Diary

3

I sometimes dream of walking down that street. The street that I grew up on. My home. My house.

I gaze upon the people I love and I tell them how much I miss them, what my life has been without them. I tell them I am happy and I’m well. And I’m not lying. Why they never look back I can’t say.

Suddenly I realize that I’m a stranger in my home. In my house. And to my loved ones I am nobody. My memories are locked inside that house and I am stood with empty hands in front of the frozen door. My happiness is there. I need to find the key and not be homeless anymore. I can’t. I’ve lost it somewhere in my past. In another dream perhaps.

I love you life. But I’ve got to say goodbye now.

And I am reborn every time I open my eyes to face a new day, far away from my old home.

Hello new life.

A Dream Diary

2

I dreamt of the people I love.

And I sometimes dream of people who love. Inhaling someone else’s emotion confuses my own senses and judgment, but somehow I find it addictive. The thrill after each stolen sensation revives my spirit.

I remember dreaming of them. It was their own little despair that they were in love with and nothing could set them apart. The world denied the misconception that caused them to share this trance. It did not exist. What existed was the condemned reality of two lost souls aiming for a forbidden fruit.

And it felt like it. They couldn’t love, they couldn’t feel and they couldn’t say why. Fear maybe? Yes. The fear of misunderstanding and involving into something too demanding. And yet the desire of an impossible challenge always derives from the ones who reject it.

Being awake is easy. Waking up is hard.

A Dream Diary

1

Looking at this blank page I come to think that nothing is worth my words. Not even my own eyes dare to see or reach these distant thoughts that are already adapted to my state of mind.

My mind. My consciousness.

Desires and cravings run in everyman’s blood. They poison the most pure soul and they cure the filthy mind. They give you a reason to live or a reason to pray. Escaping might only be named by no longer living. No spiritual existence or belonging. No higher concept of humanity.

My world has fallen apart for me to reconstruct and recreate. I need to know what I’m doing; I need to figure out how to survive in this new reality of mine. It’s clean, it’s safe, it’s blank. I need to set the foundations of my new imagination.

It’s all lost now. I’ve lost it. All my inspiration is dead, all my friends are forgotten, and  I’m left with nothing but my naked body. I have to keep it. I have to hold on to its emptiness. No air could fill this body, nor could any sound. No memories, no feelings. As almost as if it’s nonexistent and yet I know it’s there. My body.

The dreams are now my only way to go back and still I can’t force them upon this person I used to call ‘me’. They come and go like waves. Nothing I can do about them since they are going to keep coming and pull back straight after. Predictable. The only thing I could never know is how deep into the surface of my mind each one is going to slide. Are they going to wash away all that I have built? My footprints? Are they stable in time? Are they going to keep up with my track? Are they going to follow me?

No. The dreams would just wash me away.

Dream to stay alive.